Riverside Equestrian Center at Sonoma Horse Park
7600 Lakeville Highway • Petaluma, CA 94954
(707) 328-2959 cell
hugh_white@msn.com

---

Find your Favorites! Click a link to go directly to any section or page:
Barn Dirt | Dear Murray | HW Jumping Clinic | Show Schedule | Links | HWTS Facebook Page
BLOGS Off Course (Jody's Blog) | Hugh's Blog

2011 Show Season Wraps Up

The 2011 Horse Show Season wrapped up with the Let's Show Halloween show at Rancho Murieta. Joan, Andi and Hope won ribbons on their respective steeds in everything from Handy Hunters to Equitation to Children's Jumpers. We've frankly forgotten most of the details, but do recall that Joan Pont placed 8th out of 30-some entries in the Handy Hunters aboard Private Capote (shown in photo at left), Hope won one of her 1m jumper classes on June Bug, and Andi and Morrison got 2nd in an open equitation class with 20+ competitors.

The highlight of the show is always the Horse-and-Rider Costume Class on Saturday night. After a year of fueling imaginations with endless beer consumption, HWTS riders represented with awesome costumes. You can see the full photo album on the HWTS Facebook page by clicking here. NOTE: You may find some of the photos disturbing. Don't say we didn't warn you.

HWTS Riders Attend Clinic with Bernie Traurig

Hugh and several students enjoyed a weekend clinic with world-renowned equestrian Bernie Traurig hosted by Kilham Farms in Nicasio. Nattily attired in matching navy coats, tan breeches and black shirts, team HWTS received high marks for timeliness, turnout and outfit coordination. As a bonus, students who completed the clinic got the opportunity to be photographed next to a very lifelike Bernie Traurig statue erected outside the main barn. Joan abandoned cooking Thanksgiving dinner for her family to prepare for the clinic. "I slipped some Valium in their coffee, and went to the barn. When I came home, I scatterd some turkey bones around while they slept. They woke up the next day and never knew I'd been gone. Being a doctor has its perks," she said.
What did the horses think of the clinic? You can read Princess's firsthoof account of her weekend here.

SALE HORSES: Patranzi, La Princesa, and Stormin' Eli are for sale - for info and videos, click here.  

Sonoma Horse Park - Tentative 2012 Show Schedule schedule, class list, entry form | online entry | results | SHP website Horse & Hound Spring (A) May 9 – 13, 2012 HMI Equestrian Challenge (A) May 16 – 20, 2012 HMI June Classic (A) June 13 – 17, 2012 HMI Equestrian Classic (AA) July 24 – 29, 2012 Giant Steps Charity Classic (C) August 1 – 5, 2012 HMI August Classic (A) August 22– 26, 2012 Strides & Tides (A) September 12 – 16, 2012 The above dates are tentative. Schedule will be updated as information becomes available. Results for the 2011 Show Series are available online at showgroundslive.com "Join us in 2012" design by Jody Werner and Misfit Designs.

 

Contribute to the HWTS Newsletter!

Be part of the dysfunctional fun! Send incriminating photos, sordid news stories and links to questionable content to art@misfitdesignshq.com. You can remain anonymous if you include some cash. When people don't contribute real information, we are forced to make things up. Nobody is immune and nothing is sacred. Please consider those facts next time you're "too busy" to help us out.

We'd like to hear from you!

We're totally interested in knowing your opinion. We live for criticism. We want to know what you think we could be doing better. Please enter your suggestions in the box below

 

go back to top

Find out what's REALLY been happening int he barn. Happy, sad, embarrassing or incriminating, we don't care. Email news and gossip to us here. If you can't think of anything newsworthy, just make something up, our fact checkers suck.

Christmysteries Plague HWTS

Unexplained occurences have the denizens of HWTS perplexed. The evergreen tree outside the barn was apparently the victim of a drive-by decking late one night. Nobody knows who adorned the tree, but investigators have determined that it was most likely someone between 3' and 6' tall with opposable thumbs and a reasonable sense of design. This rules out the barn cats, most of the horses, and Hugh.

Another unsolved mystery: the appearance of the mechanical horse bank at the Mean Santa gift exchange during the barn Christmas Party. Sheila swears she didn't couldn't find it (and therefore couldn't have brought it) after her recent move, and after fully investigating the scene, declared that Jody procured a new bank and slipped it in with the other gifts "to totally mess with me." Sheila contends "The box looked new, so it wasn't the same old bank. Jody would only give vague answers when I quizzed her on what gift she brought, and kept looking at her shoes." However, Jody's defense, a convincing "did not!" left reasonable doubt. "And I wasn't looking at my shoes, I was looking at JOAN'S shoes," she was quick to clarify. However the bank appeared, it is now in custody until Christmas 2012 with Andi.

San Francisco Home Survives Barn Christmas Party

Despite unprecedented attendance at the 2012 HWTS Christmas party, the home of hostess Brenda Bottum, and its property value, remain intact. Brenda knew she was taking a chance by inviting the motley crew into the beautiful San Francisco Victorian home, but assured us that "our insurance policies were up to date, we put all the really valueable stuff in the safe, and pretty much sealed off the third floor. It will be a little costly to remove the fake drywall ceiling, but we figured it was worth the investment."

Highlights of the party included gourmet food catered by Jennifer Martin, the Mean Santa Gift Exchange, and rousing political debates fueled by conviction, patriotism and cheap wine. Prized gifts such as a genuine Stetson cowboy hat, hand-loomed scarf and Bacon flavored soda (described by taste testers as "vile", "toxic" and "like monkey pee") were hotly contested during the gift exchange. Though more than a few threats were exchanged, the only physical altercation that occurred was Joan's "accidental" backing into Lindsey's BMW in the driveway following the party. Lawsuits were dropped when Joan settled out of court for a pair of Jimmy Choo's, some handmade textiles and couple of suspect prescriptions.

If you missed the party, you can live vicariously through photos on the HWTS facebook page by clicking here. More photos are likely to surface, so we encourage anyone who does not wish to see themselves on Facebook to send us a couple hundred bucks, and we'll see what we can do.

Power Washing Goes Awry

Gross miscalculation of hose pressure resulted in complications during the annual power washing of the barn interior. Not since continental drift pushed Africa into Eurasia has such widespread displacement of solid matter occured. While some horses and a few objects of value were moved to safety, most were subjected to an onslaught of what one observer described as "poopy water coming at you really, really fast." Tack trunks, bags of feed and large appliances were found as far away as Sonoma County, and a few cars are still missing. The good news is, the barn is clean – if the pile of dislodged, expensive stuff that got washed out into the driveway is your definition of "clean."

Life's a Beach

Despite a few initlal mishaps, the recent HWTS ride on the beach caused no permanent damage to persons or property. The day started on a precarious note when, before they even got out of the parking lot, horses were shooting backwards out of the trailer like flailing four-legged cannonballs, flattening unfortunately-positioned people like hairy steamrollers. But once they actually made it into the trailer and to the beach, things went relatively smoothly. Princess perfected trotting without her feet touching the ground, not so much to elude the swirling surf as to avoid stepping in Morrison's constant stream of beach biscuits. With no unscheduled belly flops into the Pacific, the trip was a vast improvement over the previous beach ride, during which Otto fell in to the water, dislodging an entire pod of passing whales and resulting in Tsumani warnings up and down the west coast.

Building Appears Outside Barn; Purpose Unknown

A small structure, the origin of which remains undetermined, has appeared outside the barn. Speculation as to the building's purpose has ranged from giant beer cooler to Pont Weaving Loom Annex to storage for broken bicycle parts and blanket hardware. While the lock on the door suggests it's an excellent place to deposit wayward children, the large spigot protruding from the back of the building tends to support the Giant Keg theory. As for the pink curtains...we've got nothing.

Shocking Photo Casts Suspicion on Petaluma Horse Trainer

A shocking photo of Hugh wearing what appears to be a woman's fur coat has fueled speculation that the Petaluma horse trainer may, indeed, be leading a double life. "Nobody wanted to believe the rumors about what kind of sugery Hugh really had this summer," said a source, who wished to remain anonymous. "But after seeing this photo, I have to wonder."

When asked about the stash of Bette Midler CDs and videotapes of old Dancing With The Stars episodes found locked in his office, Hugh (whose trademark manly swagger is more of a sashay these days) replied. "Those belong to Antonio." He didn't, however, have any explanation for the Carmen Miranda outfit or case of Summer's Eve. "Sometimes, you just feel not so fresh," was all he would say.

Student Wins Infant in Baby Green Hunter Divison

Hope Krause competed in the Baby Green Hunter divison at a recent horse show and was shocked to win an actual baby. The infant arrived via Fedex the week after the show, and was accompanied by an oversized green tee shirt and a scribbled, handwritten note which read "Thankyouthankyouthank you, I'm so glad I got talked in to sponsoring the Baby Green Hunter division; I can finally afford a horse now."

it was just a few months ago that Hope also won a precocious blonde toddler in the Children's Hunters. When asked for comment, the harried teenager (who was juggling homework with feeding, diapering and cleaning stalls) replied forlornly, "I guess the pacifier and diaper bag I got when I won the class should have been a giveaway. My mom is beyond mad. Man, I REALLY gotta start reading the prize lists more carefully."

go back to top

go back to top

 

ARE YOU A FAN OF THE HW JUMPING CLINIC?
We've created a compendium of all your favorite columns. Click here for The Best of the Hugh White Jumping Clinic in PDF format.

Rider #1

It's photos like this that make me glad I never decided to become a judge. I'd frankly rather pound spikes into my brain than have to watch riders like this competing to see who can become a statistic the fastest. This horse reminds me of a fat kid who had the bad judgement to cannonball off the diving board before noticing the pool had been drained.

This is a weird looking fence. What, was the flower shop having a sale on dead foliage? No wonder the horse is jumping like that; those reeds look scratchy enough peel the flesh off of the guys on Mt. Rushmore. Given the horse's flying squirrel approach to jumping, I'm pretty impressed with the rider's form. His heel is down and he has a solid leg and nice following arm. It almost makes up for the redheaded woodpecker helmet and black armband, which I assume he is wearing to mourn the death of his chances in ever succeeding in this sport. If, however, this happens to be the Support Your Local Taxidermist Charity Horse Show, he's going to be a big hit. In every sense of the word.

Rider #2

Aw, now this is cute. Nothing warms my heart more than a photo of a cute kid getting the crap scared out of them. The only thing that gives me more joy is imagining the squeal of terror coming out of his mouth the moment this photo was taken. I hope that thing around the kid's neck is a parachute, because unless he learns to get his heel down and his leg more firmly around his pony, he's going to be logging a lot of flight time. I hope that this is a jumper class, because the fact that the pony is barreling around the course like a little chestnut bullet is not going to get him high marks for suitability in the pony hunters.

The pony looks completely happy with his job of making the kid wet himself. His ears are up and his devil-may-care expression indicates a total lack of concern for the emotional or physical stability of his rider. He's doing his job and taking no prisoners - ya gotta love that in a pony. The kid gets a lot of credit for giving it a good try - he'll make a pretty good little cowboy if he survives past puberty.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE CONSIDERED for future installments of the Hugh White Jumping Clinic, email photos to art@misfitdesignshq.com. If you would like a big black box put over your face, include $50. If you want to be assured that you will NEVER appear in the Hugh White Jumping Clinic, send $1000 in small, unmarked bills. Sorry, no checks or credit cards accepted.

Are you a fan of the HWTS Newsletter? You can find out when it's updated, share news, videos and photos, and join us in riveting discussions on our Facebook Page. Click here to check it out and "Like" us. We want you to like us.....we want you to really, really like us!

go back to top

 

2012 Horse Show Schedule - Updated December 2011

Once again, Sonoma Horse Park will host 7 horse shows, including the AA-rated HMI Equestrian Classic and the Strides & Tides show (featuring the NorCal Equitation Classics and Hudson Medal Finals).

Check out some of Northern California's popular show facilities by clicking the blue links below.

Murieta Equine Complex, Rancho Murieta, CA	Woodside Horse Park, Woodside, CA
Starr Vaughn Equestrian, Elk Grove, CA	Leone Equestrian Center, Sacramento, CA
Pebble Beach Eq. Center, Pebble Beach, CA	Menlo Charity Horse Show, Atherton, CA
Brookside Equestrian Park, Elk Grove, CA	Sonoma Horse Park, Petaluma, CA

                      2012 NorCal Horse Shows

Newsletter designed and written by JL Werner and MISFIT DESIGNS.

go back to top